Grandpa's Ramblings: Eggs and Candy
By: Acacia Faye
"Now listen here kid, lemme tell you 'bout Easter."
"I know all about Easter Grandpa. Find the eggs. Eat the candy. Easter's over."
"You don't know nothin' about Easter, knuckle-head. Shut up and listen! You 'member that Jesus character we talk about sometimes?"
"Yes Grandpa. I remember Jesus and God and he made world and died for our sins because we're all terrible people and would burn in hell if it weren't for his sacrifice blah blah blah."
"Yeah great, so you know the story. You don't seem to get it though."
"What do you mean I don't get it? I've heard it all my life. What's not to get?"
"Lemme tell you a different way. A boy and his father went campin'. Now the boys father specifically told him if he saw a bear, back away slowly. Don't try to run and definitely don't try to fight it. Now the boy went to find good spot to pee. His dad was gettin' the tent set up, when he heard the boy scream and went runnin' after him. He found a bear about maul his son. He wasn't sure he could save him, the bear was too close, but he come in a-hollarin' and a-wavin' anyway. He found a cub behind the bear. Goin' for that cub was a sure fire way to get his attention, but he knew if he did, he would definitely die. He grit his teeth and did it anyway. Anythin', on the off chance that he might save his boy. 'DAD!!!!' The boy cried out as he ran toward his father.
'Run boy! Run home!' That was all he could get out before the bear knocked him across the way and he blacked out, not knowin' what his son did, if he listened and made it home safe or if he didn't and tried to fight the bear and died too."
"That's not what they teach in Church Grandpa."
"No it's not. But it's the story of a man sacrificin' himself on the off chance that his boy would make the right decision and be saved. That's God's story. That's good Friday."
"Okay. I get that. So what happened to the boy?"
"The boy run home, told his mom what happened. They cried a lot and everyone kept bringin 'em food, like food could erase the memory of his dad and make it all better. The kids at school couldn't stop starring at him like he was going to pitch a fit in the middle of class or somethin'. A few days later, guess who walks through the door?"
"More old ladies with food?"
"Nope! His dad, not a scratch on him, with the head of that bear stuffed and ready to mount on the wall."
"I thought you said the bear knocked him out? He couldn't come out of that alive being knocked out. That's impossible!"
"Exactly! There was no way he coulda lived, but he was right there in front of the boy. He hugged him and everything. The boy wasn't nuts, he was really there. That's whatcha call good news and that's why everyone celebrates on Easter."
"So what's all that got to do with bunnies and eggs and candy?"
"Well youngin', I have no idea. But, if I had to guess, I might say it's got somethin' to do with the impossible, 'cause bunnies don't lay eggs and men don't come back from the dead. I might say, it's got somethin' to do with new life what with the eggs and the children and things. I might say, it's got somethin' to do with people being ridiculously happy what with the girl's feelin' the need to wear dresses with flowers on them and the way the world feels the need to paint itself with pastels and things. I might say the candy companies were just sick o' waitin' for halloween to get all their money, so they thought of the dumbest way possible to celebrate a resurrection, and we all bought it. Either way, that's Easter and it ain't got nothin' to do with candy and eggs."
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