Essay - If Jesus Hadn't Found Me - NL - 13

Where Would I Be Now If Jesus Hadn't Found Me

By: Naomi Lea

If Jesus hadn't found me at age 15, I'd never have learned how to commune with Him. I was hurt from being used by a guy and attempting to believe I had done the same to him. Crying myself to sleep listening to Les Miserable's "On My Own" and "I Dreamed a Dream", I thought I was the most pitiable creature on the planet. There was no one who understood me. My parents could never understand and I didn't want to try them. Last time I tried that, all I got was the most embarrassing and angry lecturing that made me want to run away and see how they felt with a missing screw up of a kid instead of a present one.

If I had not gone on that mission trip to Indonesia and met the people that introduced Christ to me and showed me how to really pray and worship, I would be so lost. I would still hate church and my parents. My father told me that he will never forget how when he was in seminary during that time, I asked why he didn't just quit. As a seminary student now, I will never forget the pain in his voice as he recalled that memory to me. How could I have said that to him? If God hadn't have found me, I'd still be that nasty hearted, discouraging, rebellious punk that said he shouldn't continue what turned out to be a ten year journey towards ordination. He graduated with his Masters in Divinity last year. I just began my second class in pursuit of the same degree. I definitely wouldn't be doing that now if God hadn't found me.

But just like our car keys and earphones, they tend to wander away and tangled up in things again, no matter how many times we straighten them out and put them in their designated places. I fell away again, even though God had found me and brought me out of darkness.

If Jesus hadn't found me at age 21 I'd never know how to be disciplined physically and spiritually. I was obese and headed towards a morbid state. I was making so many mistakes with my health and in trying to start my career. I wanted to join the military, but I was sixty pounds over the weight limit. I didn't want to listen to anyone, especially my parents, on how to do it. I wanted to research it on my own without any help. Somehow the Lord pulled me out of my self-centered universe and I began listening to what my parents said. I listened to their advice about getting a trainer and learning how to be healthier, how to work out, and how to change my lifestyle.

Every morning I would walk, bike, or run 3k to and from church to spend an hour in prayer and reading my bible. I lifted weights, did yoga, tried Pilates, and passed the Army Physical Fitness test. I lost over sixty pounds and became a new person. Jesus found me and pulled me out, kicking and struggling, into a healthier life.

However, that car key syndrome tends to strike right when it seems all is well. I found out I did not make it into the Army Officer Program and I fell into a depression. I didn't see a purpose for keeping myself healthy. I developed a food binging issue, eating up to 4000 kcals or more in one day. I ended up gaining back over half of what I lost. I felt like I had no purpose and that I was the most massive (figuratively and literally) failure.

If Jesus hadn't found me again now, at age 24, I wouldn't be doing what I truly love; working and a teacher and a student. After so many mistakes and periods of what felt like treading jello-ey glue, I feel God's life preserver around my torso again as he's pulling me back to Him. No matter how deep I sink, He can find me in the deepest depths and can dive further than I could ever go to save me.

If Jesus had not found me, and kept finding me everytime I fell away, I wouldn't be able to testify His amazing ability to pull the lowliest from out of the muck of sin. He says he goes out and finds the one sheep that strays away from the herd of one hundred. That sheep has to be pretty dumb to get lost from a group of one hundred, yet He still goes after that sheep. I'm so thankful he finds his sheep, and I'm so thankful he can find us everytime we stray. I hope that my story and experienced can someday help others to know that He will always find you. Even if you run away, if He found you once before, He will do it again.